we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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