Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize