I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize