This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
