the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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