I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
