Got a toothbrush?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
