I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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