i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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