exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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