my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
