I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
