we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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