its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
