i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
