They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize