I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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