Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
