I smell stomach acid.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize