At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
