When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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