You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
