How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
