Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
