hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
pray to the hookup gods
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
