I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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