Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
