the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
