thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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