hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
