Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
