I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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