WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
