I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
