At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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