you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's even glitter on my cock...
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