i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
