I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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