You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
