I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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