We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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