True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
