we have pet lesbian snakes
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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