We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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