the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
