he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize