D3 body, D1 cock
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ladies don't puke and tell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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