you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
