and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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