Duck Duck Cougar?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
