We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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