Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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