I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
