for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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