Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
