maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
