My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
