Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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