The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
