Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
