??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My feet surprised me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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