I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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