What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
