I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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