I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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