I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
