i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
