This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
