Please, let me fuck your mom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
