I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
