he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
