Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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