those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As shirtless as possible
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
