Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
