oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are two peas in an std pod
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
