Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
