i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
