y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
