Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
