coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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