saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
