I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
