She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
