i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
