is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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