Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
