He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
