I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
